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Happy Hollandaise! (Trying not to be offensive here). My wife just told me to go take a nap and sleep off my drunk before the guests get here and I embarrass everyone (I've had two beers), so I am a stone granite wall to hurt at this moment. I am just so fucking cheerful this time of year, the ebullience streams from my aura. I woke the kids up this morning and we drove out to my matsutake testing grounds, and they cranked until we hit the road about how horrible it was, being rent from warm blankets a hand's-breadth away from a video game controller, and then like magic they were hopeless chatterbugs.

DAD! WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER?
a. find a store of gold coins guarded by hornets, or
b. find a store of gold coins guarded by rattlesnakes

DAD! WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER?
a. be forced to jump from a moving train, or
b. be forced to jump from a cliff

DAD! WHICH WOULD YOU RATH---

I GET IT ALREADY NOW JUST PRETEND TO HAVE FUN SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR OLD MAN.

It's not like the xmas gifts have even been exchanged yet.

Introduction notwithstanding, I had the best week.

Somehow I convinced K and Vahid to have a few booze with me in Portland, and even though Sarah must think we are hopelessly sentimental for old blogging days like 80s reunion bands, man, I just needed that time. I am supposed to live in Portland, though I don't think I ever will, so being there is like coming across unsent wedding invitations. We played pinball and texted Jenny and drank PBR and planned the next Tequilacon, but it wasn't entirely like old times, because I didn't smoke old cigarette butts or take photos of dead street rats or get lost looking for my car (FULL DISLOSURE: I DID GOT LOST LOOKING FOR MY CAR).

OMG I GOT CHRISTMAS CARDS FROM WENATCHEE!

I spent all day putting up the largest bookshelf I have ever seen. And all day trying to fix my mother in law's computer. And all day installing a new video card for my son's computer. And all day removing the PSU and chasing dogs and serving wine to the sweetest Christmas guests I can remember, one of whom has a 2 month old baby that we held and remembered what it is like, and all day dehydrating and sauteeing and freezing the earth's bounty.

My daughter told me that Alex has a crush on Adam Levine and I told her that he would be a pretty cool guy to live with and right in front of everyone she got this horrified look on her face as though this might be an actual possibility and loudly exclaimed NO WAY YOU ARE THE BEST DAD IT WOULD BE AWFUL.

And then it was Christmas, and everyone gave me too much, more than I deserve, and I had to leave the room at one point because it was all too much.

I dreamed some crazy dream and was singing the lyrics to Baker Street, which made everything all the more confusing, oh, you are never gonna stop moving and you just can't forget about everything.

Tomorrow is a new morning.