Oh god

 It hurts so much, the suddenness and regret and permanence. Mostly the permanence. You helped us wake up and laugh at us for cradling old toys and this morning I found your bed in the garage and breathed in your memory, and you are running through fields breathless and we are all here broken. God fucking dammit, dog, these aren't the kind of days where those left behind can reminisce and heal, that is not who we are and where we are at. Maybe a half century ago we would sit around a sunny hill and celebrate your life, but that is not where we are now. We are hopeless and desperate for your candid kind of kindness. Oh God, puppy, 14 years was not enough. I would find you and grab your collar and say, bad dog,  come hone, you know better. We are all here worried but I know how this goes. We promised to be with you and you accepted,  it's not fair now for us to renege.  But goddammit dog. Goddammit.