pre-tired

From this

to this

in no time flat.

i am still around and sorry to say no better at being calm under pressure than ever. unusual for me, i've taken to fighting nihilism with retail therapy, which adds to my shame. on a macro scale, this is a terrible time to be alive, even here in our progressive oasis, bigotry is emboldened, in comic sans, no less.

but my little family is a joy. they all withstood my meltdown over a blown trailer tire, my kids are impossibly kind-hearted; my wife and her sister a constant source of laughter; my mom making progress in widowhood; my neighbors stop and chat.

Naya hooked into a big dogfish, her feet dangling in the water over the bow. When I finally saw what it was, I said, 'looks like a shark.' Her feet came right out of the water. 

it still hurts, every birthday or holiday. on top of the knee sprain, a broken hand that doesn't want to heal, an uncertainty about whether i want to give in to stagnation or strive for something bigger. it's terrifying how close i am to retirement.