Why am I always late to the diaspora,
and first to wonder if I belong. Were I an early wolf, I would have
skirted the tiny wandering bands of men and women skipping like
stones in the shadows of the glacier. I wonder what they would have
named me.
Now I am home with Aunt Sally,
sivilized and standing still not ready to look at pictures of all
these confused animals. A gray jay is a whiskey jack and an American
larch a tamarack. Marmots are whistle pigs and coral mushrooms,
ramaria; brookies are speckled. Your name is your first word and
these all have so many.
Here is where people learned how to
enchant. How to make enchantments. How to sway like red paintbrush
Flower of the mountain girls. Where the rock breaks open and pikas
flow out like chipping sparrows. And the gelid water beats upon your
knees like boats against the currencies of warmth and electricity.
The first night, goats drummed their
hoof beats to the ancient mother earth memories of bison and
megaloceros, like the beautiful werewolves in the evil forest,
spinning like tops through all this haunted space. In the morning I
ate uncooked oats.
Backstory: I actually typed out an
apologetic note for not being able to make this year's trip, tied
down by work and suddenly thrust into a meeting on the morning of. It
was the most difficult thing I've written this year. Word after word
after word of powerlessness. I couldn't bear to send it to Shari, so
instead I blew past Blewett Pass, sent a silent word to the great
mother for an overturned car and undressed in the parking lot. I
couldn't breathe past the first of god knows how many switchbacks. I
am too indebted to Matt for words. That he would run back down that
many thousands of feet is hard to imagine.
By the end of the next day I still
couldn't breathe. And the tent is spinning and thin-walled and
unsafe. What happens most but is remembered least are the countless
zipper catches of backpacks and windbreakers and rainflys. Silence is
in no short supply. They are all so pretty and quiet and I am happy
they cannot see me carelessly knocking over cairns and trying to
reassemble them like crooked venus figurines. God. Last year it was a
broken leg and this year I can't even say what is broken.
Indian pipe is also known as ghost
plant. Wet clothes can be made to dry in the sun. We can share
occupations and histories and never know it until meeting in the most
uncommon places. Names can be made up or unknowingly held like common
faces. Maybe there is a better world waiting for us. I hope so,
because this one is pretty good.
7 comments:
It isn't fair that you should be imbued with the talent to write such words, take such photos, AND be the funniest one. Thank god for my fairly mild superpower that prevented you from sending that email! No one would've believed Matt & me that everclear can cook things (besides people) if you hadn't shown up to prove it. The dwarfs, the goats, the birds, the nuts, the wine, the cairns, the lakes, the fish... all of them rendered more fun, more beautiful on account of you being there. Next year, the core!
I'm dedicating myself to scrambling up dragontail, come rain, shine or another job relocation. (but will be perfectly content to wuss out and spend the day fishing, too)
Shari's better with words than I, and she's already pointed out the obvious: your talents are decidedly unfair. Please continue bringing them to central Washington.
I cannot imagine a better reason to run back down that trail than coming to meet you; that hike in remains a highlight among many in those four spectacular days.
All so thankful I am for Shari's superpower. It would not have been nearly so much fun without you there.
I think we would have named you LASIK. Because you help all of us see.
I had to smile over the caught zippers... yes those catches seem to occupy the fishing trip.
matt, next year i will lie about not coming and find you guys by following the trail of oatmeal.
kerri, i have never considered lasik so much in my life. not sure if i can stop thinking about it now.
janet, fortunately, it was a catch and release kind of trip.
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