wizened

Traveling is like campari in that I mislike it, but am charmed by its bitter undertones and cannot seem to say no. So it is that I am leaving Philadelphia in a few hours, having spent most of my time sequestered in a hotel room, out for the occasional conference session, and at least once for a lovely dinner in Chinatown with Sarah.

Three times I tried to leave my room today, only to be dragged into a webinar, a conference call or drawn out proposal edits. Last year I pulled in another $8 million in contracts and grants, but the thirst for money is a lot like our thirst for gasoline. We built ourselves a bigger, hungrier engine is all we seemed to have accomplished. I want to slow life down, not accelerate. I want to enjoy this next decade and spend more time talking with people who matter to me, and writing letters, and running through moss kissed trails. None of these are extravagances.

No one responded to my messages about my father or half-sister. There is no shame in this, and no hard feelings. I surprised myself in even trying, and reaped an unanticipated reward that has me feeling light and wiser and unfinished.

Comments

Claire said…
I am often moved by your writing (e.g. here) but the thoughts of reply that run through my head often seem inadequate (also here).

Nonetheless I will offer that I have frequently wondered why my car of 2002 gets better mileage than the ones they advertise now. I know there was something in how they calculated the mpg, but still, come on!
Brandon said…
It would be nice to imagine that as our cars get older they are wise enough to take it slow. I think the speed of youth is what contributes to poor mileage.
Kerri Anne said…
Your last sentence (is lovely and wizened, yes, and) has me thinking of my favorite of all of T.S. Eliot's words I've yet read, a line from his Four Quartets: "For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business."
Brandon said…
i think maybe my half family is a TS eliot fan in that they think this is none of my business ;)
eclectic said…
I want to enjoy this next decade and spend more time talking with people who matter to me, and writing letters, and running through moss kissed trails. None of these are extravagances.

You forgot "moving to Wenatchee." That's on the list for this next decade, right? RIGHT?

And anyway, whether it's an extravagance to run through moss kissed trails or not is a matter of debate. Some trails are themselves such brash extravagance as to be beyond description or ability to view without dying a little inside from the knowledge that you can't live there. March 13, is all I'm saying.
Brandon said…
shari, whenever i feel like i'm dying inside, i know that's the everclear.

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