consent and content

If the horse didn't consent, how did this happen?

Until today, I never knew I had a favorite Rush Limbaugh quote, but you know what they say, never stop learning, never stop growing, never stop challenging the walls of your existence with karate chops and thumping bass.

I had started to watch the movie Zoo about a bestiality case here in the State that was supposed to offer well-regarded cinematography with a conflicting message that would challenge festival audience members. Namely, why is it legal to shoot an animal but illegal to love one?

The subject of the film died after allowing a horse to rupture his inner workings, and the contrast here is that the guy was an intelligent, successful engineer. I quit halfway through, not because it wasn't a compelling film but because I just didn't care. And I find that when it comes to challenging my beliefs and expectations, I really have to commit myself to openness. It's work that gets harder the older I get, and if I'm just going through the motions I find myself stepping away, saying, 'Look, I'm not denying your point of view, but honestly it's not fair to you or to me if my heart really isn't in to expansion. Let's just do this some other time.'

And sometimes I try again, but mostly I forget and move on to something else. There is so much out there, exhausting amounts of information.

Did you know there are 36,000 free books on Project Gutenberg? That means you would have to read a book a day for 98 years just to cover all the free stuff. There are times when I tell myself to just pick any random book in there in the hopes of randomly coming across someone's life work that only 10 other people have probably ever heard of, but it's not a hope. It's a statistical probability.

My attempts to be positive are holding strong. I wanted a cigarette today so badly and to wage an imaginary argument with a person on the internet, but I was serene as snow and steady as the tide. I came home in time for dinner and helped my daughter with her sit-ups and lifted my coat of dew from the grass. I quietly mourned for the struggles of others and openly relished the affection of those near at hand. It couldn't have happened had I not consented.